Molière said that you are responsible for what you don't do as well as for what you do.
This means that if you don't eat great food because someone tells you it's unhealthy, that's nobody's fault but your own. Sure, you can pin the blame on your doctor, your nutritionist, or whomever exerts this negative influence in your life, but the bottom line is that it is your responsibility to say to them, "Leave me alone, this is my last meal before dieting!" The following dish will give you the strength and resolve to tell them where they can stick their statistics.
1 pound of lasagna sheet pasta
2 pints of heavy cream
1/4 pound of dry porcini mushrooms
1 pound of freshly grated Parmesan Reggiano cheese
1 tumbler of single-malt whisky
1 cup of beef stock
1 tablespoon of olive oil
2 tablespoons of butter
salt and freshly ground white pepper
Pre-heat your oven to 375 degrees F. Fill a large pot with about a half gallon of water, add a tablespoon of olive oil and salt and turn on the heat.
Pour a cup of water into a saucepan, add the cup of beef stock and bring it to a boil. Wash the dry mushrooms thoroughly (they tend to have a lot of dirt in them), then add them to the saucepan and turn off the heat. Allow the mushrooms to sit in the water for approximately ten minutes, then drain them, conserving the liquid. Set the mushrooms aside in a bowl and put the liquid back in the saucepan, careful not to pour in the sediment that may be on the bottom of the bowl. Add the whisky to the liquid and boil it away until it is reduced by half.
In a separate saucepan, melt a tablespoon of butter on high heat until it clarifies. Add the heavy cream to the sauce pan and heat until it just begins to boil, then turn off the heat and add the mushrooms. Mix well and allow it to sit.
When the whiskey and stock in the other saucepan has been reduced, add it to the cream mixture and mix well. Set aside.
Okay, it's time to mount your lasagna (get your mind out of the gutter). Take a baking dish (preferably of the glass or ceramic), and rub a tablespoon of butter into the bottom and sides.
The water in your large pot should be boiling by now. Here's the process (it's kind of a pain in the ass, but well worth it). You are going to make 6 or 7 layers as follows:
1. Take as many sheets of lasagna as you need to make one layer in your baking dish and place them in the boiling water for about 2 minutes. Remove them from the water and arrange them in a single layer on your dish.
2. Sprinkle the grated cheese uniformly over the pasta, then pour enough mushroom sauce to cover the layer over it, making sure to distribute a few mushrooms evenly over the layer. Grind some white pepper on top.
3. Sprinkle another layer of grated cheese over the sauce.
When you run out of pasta, pour the remaining sauce over the top layer and cover it with a large amount of cheese (whatever you have left). Cover the baking dish with tinfoil and put it in the oven for 20 or 25 minutes.
Eat until you and your friends pass out!